In this fanfic, will be a reality where Ronnie Anne didn't have a crush on Lincoln but on Logan instead. Think of it as a multiverse kind of thing. For the huge Loud fans out there who might hate the idea, I'm deeply sorry. Please don't harm and/or sue and/or kill me for this.
(The episode begins with Logan at school sitting with his friends at the lunch table trying to get something out of his pants. It eventually comes out, and it's a sloppy joe with a note on it.)Classmate #4:
(reading the note)
Happy Sloppy Joe Tuesday, Lame-o. Signed, Ronnie Anne. (he says her name with flair)Classmate #3:
And there's a heart!Classmate #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 Lincoln and Clyde:
Oooooooo! Logan's got a girlfriend!Logan:
(angry) Oh as if!Classmate #3:
When's the wedding day, Logan?
(The classmates, including Lincoln and Clyde, laugh.)Logan:
Real funny you guys, really funny.Classmates:
🎶 Ronnie and Logan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 🎶 (they start laughing again)Logan:
Okay, let me make this very clear that even you guys can understand. You honestly think I would ever date a girl like her. She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom... no! I'd rather drink from the bathroom toilets than kiss that freak.
(A gasp is heard, and it turns out it came from Ronnie Anne. Logan turns around and is shocked to see her.)Logan:
(Ronnie Anne is at first shocked but then puts on an angry scowl and storms out of the lunch room with her food tray in her hands.)Logan:
(surprised) Huh. Usually this is the part where she pummels the heck out me. Guess it's my lucky day if she lets me off that easy. Lincoln:
I don't think so Logan.Logan:
What are talking about?Clyde:
We think you might've really hurt her feelings.Logan:
Oh give me a break you guys! Have you forgotten that this is Ronnie Anne we're talking about. She's the most toughest girl in school. She'll be fine.
(Later that day, Logan and Lincoln comes home after school.)Lori:
YOU MONSTER! (she screams, throwing a tissue box at Logan)Logan:
Ow! The heck is your problem woman!?Lori:
You made Ronnie Anne CRY!Logan:
Okay, 1. That thing can cry?Lincoln:
Told you. Logan:
(to Lincoln) Oh shut up. (to Lori) 2. How do you know that?
(Lori tries to aim a teddy bear at Logan, but he blocks it using Lincoln as a human shield.)Lori:
Bobby told me... (starts to cry) RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!Logan:
What? Why would Bobby care that I made her cry? (Lori tries to aim a couch cushion at Logan, but ducks behind the living room chair while Lincoln steps away; she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie Anne together)Lori:
Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!Logan:
Wait, those two are related?! Lincoln:
I never knew that!Logan:
Yeah I always thought she was raised by a pack of Doberman.
(Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Logan shields himself with the cushion)Lori:
D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!
(Lori chases after Logan all around the house as Lincoln flees)Logan:
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hey, take it easy! Take it easy! I call timeout! I call timeout!
(Logan then trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt)Lori:
to make things right with Ronnie Anne!Logan:
Okay! Okay! Okay! Look just relax! If it makes you feel any better I'll give her call right now and apologize! Alright!? (picks up the phone)Lori:
NO! (hangs up the phone) Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you
being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!Logan:
It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU! WILL MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!
Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there and say, there is no stinkin way I'm doing that, I'd rather drink from the bathroom...
(Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it)Logan:
Hang on a sec. (pulls out a blindfold, ties it around his face and stood there as if he's about to face execution) Okay let's get this over with.
(Just when Lori was about to crush Logan, she then began to whimper, drops the end table to the side and runs away crying to her room. Logan lifts up his blindfold to notice that Lori is gone) Logan:
This is the second time I got off easy! Man, this is my lucky day!
(Later that night Logan was heading off to bed, but was stopped by his sisters giving him a scowl look) Logan:
Let me guess, this is about Lori isn't? Lucy:
Yes it is. You need to fix this. Logan:
And why should I? Leni:
Seriously?! Lori is very upset about this. Can't you hear her crying in her room. (Pointing to her & Lori's room where everyone can hear Lori crying). Luna:
Yeah bro, you may done harsh things in the past, but this low even for you. Logan:
Okay, whatever you guys are gonna say next, save it. Because no matter what you say is gonna change my mind. Besides, Lori can find a new boyfriend. That's what online dating is for. Now if can excuse me, I'm calling it a night. (Walks pass his sisters making his way to room)
(When Logan entered his room, he finds Lincoln in bed giving him a disapproval look) Logan:
Oh come on! You too?! Lincoln:
Logan, how can you be so insensitive?Logan:
Do you really want me to answer that? Lincoln:
Bobby is one of Lori's greatest joys in her life and you took that away from her. And what you said about Ronnie Anne wasn't right either. She may be toughest girl in school, but she has feelings too. Logan:
Oh no! No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! Your not guilt tripping me. Not tonight, so save it.
(As Logan was about to go to sleep he notices that Lori's cries were a bit louder than before, but he pays no attention to it and tries to sleep through it. As time passes Lori's became louder and louder, loud enough to put Logan on edge. Eventually, Logan had enough it, let's out a loud yell, runs towards to Lori & Leni's room and kicks open their) Logan:
ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'LL GO TO THAT STUPID DOUBLE DATE, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!!! (He then notice Lori looking very relaxed wearing ear muffs and audio speakers in front of her bed) Wait, what the what?Lori:
(turns off the speakers and takes off the ear muffs) I knew you'd change your mind eventually. Logan:
And you call me despicable? Lori:
Your lucky I arranged a backup reservation. Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet. 6:00 PM. Don't be late.
(The next day, Logan is up in his bedroom looking for something to wear then gets a call from Clyde.)
Hey Logan! The three of us are still on for the arcade right?
No can do Nosebleed. Lori is forcing to go on a double date at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet with Ronnie Anne.
Ooh, I love fusion cuisine! But why?
Because apparently I did
hurt her feelings
, she told Bobby, and he broke up with Lori, and now I have to-- (hears nothing but static on his walkie-talkie) Nosebleed? Nosebleed?
(Clyde doesn't answer him because he is dancing in front of a gold-framed portrait of Lori with a spotlight shining on it.)
🎶 Clyde and Lori sitting in a tree / Where there's no room for dumb Bobby! Woo! 🎶
(Later, the two pairs of siblings arrive at the restaurant. Lori and Bobby look happy to see each other, but their respective siblings don't.)Lori:
Hey babe--I mean, Lori.
(Ronnie Anne rolls her eyes.)Logan:
Ronnie Anne. (Lori heavily nudges him) You're looking lovely this evening.Ronnie Anne:
Yeah, us freaks clean up nice. Logan:
First time for everything. (Lori hits him in the back of the head) Ow! What? What did I say? Ronnie Anne:
Let's just get this over with.
(The four of them walk inside when suddenly, to Logan's surprise, they find a poorly-disguised Clyde, wearing a Mexican scarf, a French beret, and a fake mustache, at the counter.)Clyde:
Good evening, Monjour et Señoritas. Welcome to Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet! Logan:
(pulls Clyde towards him) Clyde, what the heck are you doing here!? I thought you'd be at the arcade with Lincoln!?Bobby:
(noticing the bowl of mints situated on the counter) Ooh, mints! (eats one)Clyde:
(growls jealously at Bobby and then turns his attention back to Logan) I just thought I come and help you out, buddy.Logan:
Oh drop the act. I swear if you do anything to screw this up for me, I will make you suffer in ways you can even imagine. Clyde:
(gulps) Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here!
(But just as Clyde steps back onto the phone book he was standing on, he knocks the counter over and spills the bowl of mints, startling Logan and making Lori jump into Bobby's arms. As Bobby puts Lori down, a waiter slips on the mints and crashes offscreen, sending a mask rolling away from where he crashed.) Clyde:
So, table for three?Bobby:
Actually, there are four--Clyde:
(ignoring his rival) Very good. Three. Right this way. (He brings Logan, Lori, and Ronnie Anne to their table, and then pulls up a chair for Lori as he calls her...) Ma'amsellita.
(Logan tries to do the same for Ronnie, but she instead just sits in another chair, so he sits in the chair he offered her. Bobby approaches their table.)Bobby:
Wow, table blankets? Pretty romantic.Lori:
I know. Isn't it?Bobby:
I mean, whatever. It's fine. (Clyde suddenly pulls away the table's last chair) Hey, thanks, man. (He prepares to sit down, thinking Clyde has pulled up the chair for him, but instead Clyde walks away with the chair and Bobby ends up hitting the floor with a thud.) Ow! Hey, wait! (He pulls a nearby potted plant to use as a seat) Logan:
(face palms) that love blinded moron.
(Logan, looks at Ronnie Anne, who's still scowling at him. But she is then suddenly startled by the appearance of a Mexican band.)Musician:
Ooh, la la! Young amour! This calls for... música! (But before he and his two companions can perform...)Logan:
No, no!No!No! No música! Scram! (The three musicians dejectedly walk away.) ...So uh, you tried their famous quesadillas, I hear it's pretty good.
(His attempt at small talk does not appear to have done him any good; Ronnie Anne is still scowling at him.)Clyde:
(comes up with three glasses of water and gives two of them to Logan and Ronnie Anne) Two flat waters... (gives the third one to Lori) ...and one sparkling, to match your eyes.Bobby:
(taps Clyde's shoulder) Uh, could I get a water? (Clyde just ignores him again and walks off, to his annoyance) And maybe a chair?
(One clockwise screen-wipe later, Logan is still trying to get back on Ronnie's good side.)Logan:
So, how about that math test? I mean, "show your work?" Isn't answering the question work enough?
(Bobby and Lori just quietly chew their food when Clyde suddenly comes back with a silver plate.)Clyde:
If I may... (lifts the cover so that he slams it in Bobby's face) ...a special treat for a special lady - a nacho from Jean Juan's private collection!Bobby and Lori:
(simultaneously) I think I'll hit the buffet again.Lori:
(gasps as Clyde gets a disillusioned look on his face) We both said the same thing at the exact same time! It's like we're literally meant to be.
(Clyde can only watch forlornly as his unrequited crush and his rival walk off to the buffet, so he vents his frustration by punching the nacho down on the plate he's holding and storms off.)Logan:
(imitating Lori) "It's like we're literally meant to be." Oh give me a break.Ronnie Anne:
(giggles) Oh, they're so cheesy!Logan:
(also giggles) Yeah, Yeah! More cheesey than this Fromage Con Queso!Ronnie Anne:
(laughs) Oh, remember that time Bobby thought store-bought flowers were too "impersonal", so he picked his own?Logan:
How can I forget! They turned out to be poison ivy! Lori swelled up like a salted turkey!
(As they share a laugh over this, the camera zooms over to their older siblings watching from the buffet.) Bobby:
Aw, look, they're getting along!Lori:
Does that mean...?
(Logan stops laughing as he sees Bobby taking Lori's hands in his.)Bobby:
Babe, this has been torture!Lori:
Oh, Bobby Boo-Boo Bear!
(They pucker up to kiss, but Clyde comes between them and ruins the moment.)Clyde:
Hot raw tamales, comin' through!Logan:
Oh great, the nicknames.Ronnie Anne:
I know. And don't get me started on the kissing. It's so gross! Who does
(Logan then remembers something, shows a flashback of episode "Heavy Meddle" where Logan kissed Ronnie Anne offscreen and then gets a black eye in return, cuts back to present)Logan:
(awkwardly) Ha, ha....yeah. Oh and how about all the selfies!? (Ronnie Anne chuckles and then puts her arm around him while lifting out her other arm as if she's taking a selfie right now as he imitates Lori again) "Don't get my bad side, Boo-Boo Bear!"Ronnie Anne:
(imitating Bobby) "You don't have a bad side, babe." Click, click, click! (they laugh some more)Logan:
Hey uh, about I what said back at school, I'm....I'm really sorry.Ronnie Anne:
It's okay. Sorry about the sloppy joe.
(They both give heartfelt smiles at each other when suddenly their older siblings come back with their arms around each other.)Lori:
Guess who's back together!Logan and Ronnie Anne:
(simultaneously and with sarcasm) Babe and Bobby Boo-Boo Bear?Lori:
Yes! Wheeee! Reunion selfie! (she takes one of herself and Bobby, with a scowling Clyde behind them; Ronnie Anne mock-barfs in response)Logan:
Heh! (suddenly, he looks behind him to see that his five classmates who were teasing him at the beginning of the episode have just arrived at the restaurant) Classmate #3's Mom:
I'll be back to pick you boys up.Classmate #3:
Okay, mom. Logan:
(As Ronnie Anne laughs again, Logan quickly hides under the table.)Ronnie Anne:
What are you doing?Logan:
I dropped my fork. (crawls under the table, startling Lori and Bobby)Lori:
Logan, where are you going!?Logan:
The bathroom. I went overboard with the hot sauce and I'm about to blow! (he dashes for the men's room and locks himself in) Phew! I'll just hang out here till those guys leave.Musician:
(appearing behind Logan with his two companions) ¡Música!
(pounding the door from outside) Hurry up! I gotta escar-go!Logan:
(groans, unlocks the door and dashes out while the customer dashes in)Musician:
Uno, dos, trois! (he and his band start playing)
(Outside the restroom, Logan sees that his classmates are still here.)Classmate #1:
Well, I gotta pee.
(As Classmate #1 heads for the restrooms, Logan quickly ducks under a food cart containing the dessert tray.)Clyde:
(comes out of the kitchen, talking on his cell phone, and starts pushing the cart) Hello, Dr. Lopez? I know I'm not supposed to call you at home, but it's a Lori emergency.Logan:
(pulls Clyde by his collar) Nosebleed! You gotta get me out of here! Clyde:
(Logan points to the laughing classmates at their table.)Classmate #1:
(returning) Guys, there's a band in the bathroom!Logan:
If those guys see me on a "date" with Ronnie Anne, they're gonna think that she's my girlfriend. And I'm not going through that again.Clyde:
I gotcha, buddy. Just stay under there and I'll wheel you out. (into his phone) Dr. Lopez, I'll call you back. (wheels the cart past the classmates' table just when...)Classmate #4:
Hey, dessert guy!Clyde:
Crud! (wheels the cart up to their table)Classmate #1:
(pointing at Logan's tuft of hair sticking out from under the cart's tablecloth) Whoa, never seen that type of whipped cream before, what is it? (Logan quickly ducks so that his hair tuft is not sticking out)Clyde:
Uh, sorry, that's a to-go order. (Classmate #1 pulls the cloth back only to see nothing under it) See? It's gone.
(Logan dashes for the entrance, but suddenly runs into the Mexican band again.)
Seriously!? For the last time! NO MÚ-SI-CA! (ducks into a nearby closet)Clyde:
(comes in with the dessert cart) Logan? (Logan pulls him into the closet with him) How are we gonna get you out now? We'll need a disguise.Logan:
(pulls out an oversized mask of a Mexican man) I'm way ahead
(Clyde just lowers his eyelids at Logan's imitation of Luan) I cannot believe I just pulled a Luan right now.
(One screen-wipe later, Logan, wearing the mask, is on the shoulders of Clyde, who has hidden his face with his scarf, but is not keeping his own arms hidden.)Clyde:
¡Adios! Au revoir! ¡Gracias! Merci!Logan:
Hey, focus Nosebleed, trying to get out of here remember. We're almost out!Lori:
We need our check. Where's that cute little waiter?Clyde:
She thinks I'm cute?! Logan:
Don't even think about running off to... Clyde:
I gotta get that check for Lori! (dashes off, causing Logan to fall off his shoulders and drop the mask)Logan:
You will suffer for this Nosebleed! (his classmates then spotted him.)Classmate #4:
Hey Logan. Whatcha doing at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet?Logan:
Oh know just here with family. Well, one of them anyway. And friends. Well, one of my family's friends. You get the idea.Classmate #4:
Isn't that Ronnie Anne?Logan:
Whaaaaaaaaaat? Ronnie Anne's here? That is so unexpected. I had no idea she was gonna be here what's so ever. None. Zip.Classmate #4:
Hey, are those khakis? Gasp! You're wearing date pants!Classmate #3:
I knew it! Ronnie Anne is
your girlfriend! (he and others laugh)Logan:
Okay, 1. These are not khakis, these are slacks! Khakis are the type of pants you wear if you work at a business company. I know because seen a commercial about it! 2. I said this before and I'll say it again. Ronnie Anne is NOT MY GIRLFRIEND
! She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather drink from the bathroom toilets than kiss that freak. Lori: LOGAN!!
(The camera shifts over to Lori and Bobby, both of whom look furious at what Logan just said, and then over to Ronnie Anne, who is again shocked and heartbroken at hearing Logan repeating these harsh words after all that bonding they just went through. Tears well up in her eyes and she runs for the entrance.)Bobby: We're broken up again, babe. I mean, Lori. (
Lori starts crying her eyes out and Logan's classmates point and laugh at him. Logan sees Ronnie Anne reaching the entrance.)Logan: Wait, Ronnie Anne! (
he runs after her but is suddenly blocked by the Mexican band again)
Logan: (out of anger, takes one of the musician's guitar and bonks him on the head with it leaving a huge bump, causing the other musicians to flee) MÚSI-SHUT UP! (Going back after Ronnie Anne) Ronnie Anne, wait! Please! I've got something say. (
he pulls up a small podium and gets on it to make his speech) Can I have everyone's attention, please? (
Lori stops crying) I've said some very harsh things about a radical girl who doesn't deserve to be treated that way. Ronnie Anne, you're really cool, and funny, and I've had an awesome time hanging out with you tonight. (
Ronnie Anne doesn't quite look convinced) I know you won't take my word for it, so as my sister Lori once told me, actions speak louder than words. (
Lori smiles) In other words, if telling you how great you are doesn't cut it, then this might do the trick.
(Logan jumps off the podium and gives out his hand to Ronnie. She takes his hand, and he then pulls her up onto the podium with him and kisses her on the lips. The classmates react in surprise while Lori and Bobby gleefully hug each other.)Lori and Bobby: Yes!
apparently was watching this while wearing the giant mask; yanks the mask off and angrily glares at the re-reunited couple as he pulls out his cell phone) Hello, Dr. Lopez?
(The next day at school, Logan's classmates are teasing him again.)Classmates: 🎶 Ronnie and Logan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 🎶
to the viewers) Yes, the teasing is a pain, but as long as things are cool between me and Ronnie Anne, I'll just deal with it like a boss. Silver lining, that was the second time I kissed Ronnie Anne and I didn't get my block knocked off this time.
Ronnie Anne: (
suddenly barges in) YOU!
Classmates: Ooooh! (
Ronnie Anne slaps Logan hard across the face) Ohhh?
Ronnie Anne: Logan Loud, how DARE you kiss me at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet! You are rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather drink from the bathroom floor than kiss you! (
she storms off)Classmate #1: Sorry, dude.
Classmate #2: That was harsh.
Classmate #3: Girls are intense, man.
Classmate #4: It's okay to be single.
Classmate #5: Your bros are here for you, bro.
(As soon as Logan's classmates each leave, though, Logan looks pretty confused about Ronnie Anne dumping him) Logan:
What just happen!?
(Then, an ice pack slides up in front of him with an attached note. Logan looks at the note and hears Ronnie Anne's voice reading it
)"Hope that stopped the teasing. Signed, Ronnie Anne."
Impressed) Hm, clever girl. (to the viewers) And she left another heart! Bonus! (
applies the ice pack to where Ronnie Anne slapped him and placed the note in his pocket, right before Lincoln and Clyde enters) Lincoln:
Hey bro. We've heard what happened. Sorry about Ronnie Anne. Logan:
Meh, I been through worse.Clyde: I know how much it hurts. A broken heart is a story as old as time. But I think I have something that'll cheer you up! It always helps me. (
claps) ¡Música! (
The Mexican band from the restaurant appears) Logan:
Noooo, noooo. (Musicians flinched remembering what Logan did yesterday. Logan then stop and thought about it for a sec) Oh what the heck. Hit it!
(The musicians were thrilled to hear, and started playing their music as Logan, Lincoln and Clyde started dancing to it)Logan, Lincoln and Clyde: ¡Olé!